Infertility

It’s the end of the world as I know it – and I feel fine

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I woke up in a dam of blood from excruciating pain – and I’m not exaggerating. I was sleeping on yoga mats because I didn’t want to get blood on my bed. My clothes were drenched and as I took it off the smell of blood made me gag. I was shaking from head to toe. As I stood and watched the blood run into the drain under the shower, I knew I had to stay awake or set the alarm for every 30 to 40 minutes – else this would happen again.

At 3 in the morning I sat down at my desk with a glass of water and 2 Tramacettes. My hands still shaking. An incapacitating searing pain in my left ovary, back and abdomen immobilised me. It was enough. I have had enough. I knew that this organ (with its issues and endometriosis) that has ruined my life in the worst possible ways would have to be removed as soon as possible. I didn’t want or need it.

I got the go-ahead and approvals to finally have a partial hysterectomy. I’m was more petrified of picking up drug resistant superbugs than the actual operation, but this is the one operation I had to have. I wanted that normal life thing that most people have.

Waking up after a procedure with pain is kind of what I’m used to – except this time I didn’t have to ask if there was actually an egg, just to be disappointed. I just had to be sure that I’m alive, the doctor didn’t cut into my abdomen and that I got painkillers before being wheeled anywhere else.

As I lay in that room with 3 other women while the nurses took my blood pressure (for the millionth time) I could see the confusion flash across their faces about the extremely low blood pressure. The lab lady was called in to draw blood.

I don’t think the doctor took it serious when I said I bleed out in 2 to 3 weeks…

My “blood level” was on 5 and it is supposed to be on 14. Blood was ordered for a transfusion, because “people can’t survive like that”. As the blood entered my body, I developed a fever and got weaker. I joked that my body wasn’t used to having that much blood and simply didn’t know what to do with it all.

Who would’ve thought that my body would reject blood from my own blood group when it needed it most?

I don’t feel a 100% yet, but I know that in a couple of weeks I will be stronger than ever without having to suffer another endometriosis fuelled period. I can look forward to having a clearer mind, not having to use 2 Tramacettes 3 times a day, not be tired all the time…

I am a Johannesburg based freelance writer, social media manager - and of course share bits from my life with you on this blog. We have 2 kids through surrogacy and 3 black cats.

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