Infertility

How to find a surrogate – and still not have one

It has been a few weeks, but I am still here – barely. We had a surrogate. She was so super keen to do it. She promised me she would do it More »

Annual Fine Fragrance Sale Goddess

Fine Fragrance Sale in Johannesburg

My FAVOURITE sale is happening this October. To me it will be 5 days of happiness and buying Christmas presents. If you can spot me at the sale sometime between 5 and More »

I Love Shoes

Know your shoes – a guide to shoes

Do you know your kitten heel from your Mary Janes or mules? Here is a quick guide to knowing your shoes. I shamelessly borrowed this from Life4cks.com. More »

Paris in September

Paris in September

It is true what they say about Paris, it is the city of love. I have visited Paris twice and have explored this city extensively. The last time I was lucky enough More »

Infertility

How & Where To Find A Surrogate

If you were looking for information on how to find a surrogate, know that you are not alone – we have been down this road for 9 months (irony). If your fertility More »

How to find a surrogate – and still not have one

Infertility

It has been a few weeks, but I am still here – barely.

We had a surrogate. She was so super keen to do it. She promised me she would do it after I expressly asked her if she was sure that she would be able to cope with this. She wasted a lot of our money by lying. She gave me hope and then took it away. She knew in what state I was and yet she thought she would do me a favour by lying to my face.

I will never trust another human being or help them out. I am done with being the nice person people could rely on. I helped people my whole life and now when it matters most not a single person I know repaid my kindness. Screw everyone. Seriously.

This is what yet another surrogate’s lying did to me:

I most definitely now have a deep seated distrust in people and definitely not interested in lending anyone a helping hand anymore. I cry every day from the moment I leave the office until I fall asleep. I do not see that there is any hope for us to have our own kid.

Fine Fragrance Sale in Johannesburg

Annual Fine Fragrance Sale Goddess

My FAVOURITE sale is happening this October. To me it will be 5 days of happiness and buying Christmas presents. If you can spot me at the sale sometime between 5 and 12 October, say HI.

Why you shouldn’t miss the Perfume Sale in Johannesburg

  1. It is the super most “awesomest bestest” sale in the world – and I’m not kidding
  2. Perfume is super cheap compared to normal retail pricing
  3. The fragrance sale comes but once a year
  4. My husband will pay for my shopping :)

ASCO Fine Fragrance Sale

 

Know your shoes – a guide to shoes

I Love Shoes

Do you know your kitten heel from your Mary Janes or mules? Here is a quick guide to knowing your shoes.

Know your shoes

I shamelessly borrowed this from Life4cks.com.

Paris in September

Paris in September

It is true what they say about Paris, it is the city of love.

I have visited Paris twice and have explored this city extensively. The last time I was lucky enough to have my husband with me.

I have seen the Eiffel Tower in the day. I have seen the Eiffel Tower at night. I have photographed the Eiffel from many angles – top and bottom. I have made it up the Eiffel – barely, but I did it. I have ate french cafes and looked at the passersby. I have walked through the Louvre and posed with the Mona Lisa – twice. I have taken the buses all over Paris.

Paris in September

I loved everything in Paris – just not the french.

Landing at the airport and thinking that the Tourism Officers might be helpful was mistake #1. I think she swore at me – but after many unsuccessful attempts of asking for info I gave her a tirade in Afrikaans and suddenly I got a brochure.

On all my travels, this was also one of the few cities where we had issues. The last day in Paris we left the hotel at 3am to catch a train to Amsterdam and on our way to the closest station some youngsters hassled us, but of course I unleashed the most unholy tirade and they backed off.

Would I go back to Paris? Absolutely! I will never say no to another picnic in the shadow of the Eiffel.

How & Where To Find A Surrogate

Infertility

If you were looking for information on how to find a surrogate, know that you are not alone – we have been down this road for 9 months (irony).

If your fertility clinic keeps a “waiting list for a surrogate” get onto this list asap. (That is the easy one.) Don’t rely on this “waiting list” to produce a surrogate for you – you are probably going to wait a very long time.

Be proactive about finding a surrogate. Talk to all your friends and family and ask them to share your story (if none of them are willing to be your surrogate). Get the info together on what your surrogate can expect – tests she will be expected to go for, fertility drugs, legal and everything else – and put this in an email anyone can send out.

What to expect when you are looking for a surrogate:

  • Expect many women saying they would love to help, but her husband won’t go for it.
  • Expect to be asked why you aren’t adopting if you can’t have kids.
  • Expect to be asked what is wrong with you and can’t you just have IVF.
  • Expect women saying they will be your surrogate and then just disappear – even if they have discussed it with their husbands and said they will make the appointment for first tests.

Don’t get your hopes up before your potential surrogate went for all the necessary tests and the legal contract is in place.

Never give up. Cry each time you’ve been let down by yet another potential surrogate and get up the next day to start looking again.

Do not limit yourself to 1 clinic or city. We literally put the word out that we would be willing to have a surrogate anywhere in SA that would be willing to travel to JHB/DBM or CPT.

Find your surrogate and hopefully you will be lucky to have your own kid.

My infertility journey – the tests and fertility clinics (Part 4)

Infertility

I am so tired. I hate that we are in this situation just because all the gynaecologists I complained to over the years did not listen to my complaints and diagnosed endometrioses. They could have diagnosed this and maybe I would have been able to have kids like other people has. I would NEVER recommend my last gynaecologist at a Life hospital to anyone that would like to have kids.

I have complained to the hospital and to her and she has not had the decency to apologise for her role as physician that she miserably failed in.

Fertility Clinic #1

I was at VL in Johannesburg to receive the initial bad news. Here we were told to find a surrogate ourselves and to do it quickly. We obliged by speaking to all friends, people we know and don’t know – and advertising on Facebook. We finally had a volunteer from Nelspruit and my sister (who isn’t suitable). The Nelspruit lady eventually disappeared before going for the blood tests, but sent through her forms on 3 June – which I immediatly forwarded to the clinic. By 13 June I had left numerous messages on the phone and email for our case worker to get back to me. By end June this really slow case worker finally contacted me to say she didn’t know I was still waiting for an answer…

I was livid.

Then my sister went for her blood tests and after a week I phoned to ask if the case worker had received the results – she didn’t reply. Eventually I emailed her. Another few days passed and I drove to the clinic and threw a huge fit to get VL to send someone 1 floor down to Lancet Laboratories.

I told the woman that eventually pitched that I have had it with VL and that this is the last straw – I will go to another clinic as clearly incompetence is the norm and I do not need the extra stress to have to deal with AH that NEVER responds to any message.

Fertility Clinic # 2

After 9 months of NOTHING happening at VL we moved over to MF and DR C. Another internal sonar, more blood tests, but at least the people seem to more competent and willing to get the ball rolling. Dr C also mentioned that he is willing to put me on DHEA.

I am hopeful that we made the right choice to move clinics.

What tests have I had done thusfar?

AMH, HIV, HEP everything and at MF another internal scan, FSH, Glucose and a bunch of others. I am also back on iron and try to get more sunshine and a variety of veg and fruits in weekly.

 

My infertility journey & how to end up without friends and family (Part 3)

Infertility

I don’t remember a time before the dark circles under my eyes became a permanent fixture. The last day I didn’t cry was somewhere in January. Most days just passed by without me taking much notice of changing seasons, news, life outside, friends…

When you hear news as bad as ours you kind of expect to hear from your friends or family – even if it was just a message on Facebook – especially if you begged everyone on Facebook to share your “Help me find a surrogate” posts.

To this day, not 1 of my more than 20 cousins have contacted me. I have written my family off. If family cannot be there for you when you need them most (and for the first time ever), then you are better off without them. I will never see them again. I will forever remember the lack of support.

I went as far to write them a public Facebook post to ask them why they did not contact me and tagged them. There is NO EXCUSE good enough after that.

My so-called best friend since 14, also magically disappeared after I shared the news with her in January. By end April I called her out on not being supportive or even attempting to contact me. Her reply was “I still want another kid and was scared that you might ask me to be a surrogate”.

I heard you gasp.

I ended that friendship. I also made sure I removed and blocked every person that never made the effort to just send a “thinking of you” or ANY message. Unfortunately I also had to let go of my best Joburg friend – because she fell pregnant.

Yes, I let go of a friend just because she got pregnant. I had to. This was the worst thing for me to hear. 3 months of trying and there we go, baby on the way. I knew that she cared about what happened to me, but I also knew that I would not be able to stay sane while sharing in her happiness.

My old life and relationships ended. I have no family other than my parents and sister. I barely have friends left. I no longer look at people and think they might care for anyone other than themselves.

I know my husband has to put up with all of this, but I still do not think he realises the severity of my depression.

 

 

Victoria’s Secret opening soon in Sandton City!

Victorias Secret Opening in Sandton City

Today while walking through Santon City I spotted the lovely pink shop hoarding of this international brand. I immediately messaged my friends, then tweeted and ran right to my laptop to tell you about it.

Victoria’s Secret opening soon in Sandton City!

How excited are you?

Victoria’s Secret is all about beautiful everything with wings. I cannot wait for the store to open. I wonder if I can get my husband to enter this store? The store is opening in the Checkers Court opposite Sunglass Hut and right next to The Body Shop – you cannot miss it :)

Victoria's Secret opening in Sandton City

 

My infertility journey & search for a surrogate – a story of heartbreak (Part 2)

Infertility

After all the bad news I had to educate myself on all the details of my condition, alternative treatments and making sense of FSH, AMH and a bunch of other letters that made no sense. Most importantly, I had to find a surrogate somehow.

What is Endometrioses? Here is what the Mayo Clinic posted on their website:

“Endometriosis occurs when tissue that normally grows in the uterus implants and grows in other locations. This extra tissue growth — and the surgical removal of it — can cause scarring, which may obstruct the tube and keep the egg and sperm from uniting. It can also affect the lining of the uterus, disrupting implantation of the fertilized egg. The condition also seems to affect fertility in less-direct ways, such as damage to the sperm or egg.”

Finding a surrogate had become my number 1 task. When I wasn’t asking people I was running a Facebook campaign encouraging people to share my posts. I was proactive. I believed that their would be some person that would stand up and say “yes, I will do this for you”.

There were plenty of “yes I want to help” or “how much will you pay?”. There even was a “we have talked about this numerous times and DEFINITELY do this”. To this day not a single person stepped up to do what they said they would do.

Every single person that got my hopes up just to not deliver on that promise of becoming my surrogate drove me into depression. I removed myself from the outside world, from any place or person that could remind me of what I will never have. It has been 9 months since I have been a part of my old life. There is nothing left of the old happy me.

 

Ireland – the place of green, leprechauns and beauty

Travel to Ireland and experience the festivals and culture

I make no secret of how much I love Ireland. It feels like home, but cooler than a packet of Rascals. I am lucky enough to be married to a real Irishman who drinks Guinness and have family over the water.

The first time I visited Ireland was back in 2008 – all on my own. I chose a self-drive holiday and to find accommodation on the day. It was one of the best holidays I have ever had.

Ireland is magical. The landscapes are picture perfect. The people warm and inquisitive.

Ferry to the Aran Islands - Ireland

My first day in Ireland I would’ve caught a ferry from Doolin to the Aran Islands, but weather had other ideas. I found alternative accommodation at a little farm B&B. That night as I wondered where to go for dinner an American asked me if I wanted to go to the matchmaking festival not too far from there. Of course I could not say no – where in the world else would I see something like this? So off we went to find this festival in Lisdoonvarna.

At the festival we were let in without paying entrance fees, because the “wee lass might find herself a husband”. The locals danced, swopped partners and was merry all night and roped us in quite eagerly.

The next day I caught the ferry to the Aran Islands. Check back to read my series on Ireland and other places. :)